A brain tumor, a presidential bully, wildfires and a pandemic: what's left to believe in?

On April 8, 2016, a precautionary MRI revealed an enormous brain tumor behind my left eye. Suddenly, it was Game on! for the fight of my life. When nurses wheeled me into the OR two weeks later, I had wound down my Silicon Valley coaching business and written goodbye notes to my young sons. Always the planner, I thought I was prepared for everything, even death, — and then spiritual forces invaded the hospital walls.

My recovery took a turn for the beautiful. A Customer Support angel arrived in ICU, mystical dreams manifested a sapphire necklace. The MRI machine was breached with visions of buying land (on whose budget? Details were sketchy). Confident that Bigger Things would always have our backs after surgery, I took great risks in life and work. But what if I was wrong?

It became nearly impossible to justify the divine in the wake of the 2016 election, a pandemic, California wildfires and, as a final blow, a second diagnosis. You know what’s worse than never believing? Thinking you’ve been duped all along. IBIE is the story of how I learned to embrace - and sometimes mourn - the truth that health and faith are not binaries — and to repay the universe for sparing my life.